1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything, including fake IDs.
2. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
3. I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. S
he whispered, “They’re right behind you…”
4. Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
5. I told my computer I needed a break,
and now it won’t stop sending me job listings for cruises.
6. My friend keeps saying “Cheer up, it could be worse,
you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.
7. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
8. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down.
9. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
10. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!