1. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts!
2. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
3. I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
4. I named my dog “Five Miles” so I can tell people
I walk five miles every day.
5. I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
6. I used to play piano by ear,
but now I use my hands.
7. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
8. My girlfriend said she wanted a fairy-tale relationship.
So I locked her in a tower.
9. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down!
10. I told my computer I needed a break,
so now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads.
I think it’s got separation anxiety